Friday, January 30, 2009

All of my sorta revenge fantasies involve being a lounge singer

Whenever I'm like, really pissed at someone, I have this elaborate semi-revenge fantasy that happens in my head. I don't like, stab them in the face, or enlist a hired gun, or burn down their prom with my mind, or anything like that...

In my revenge fantasy, I am a lounge singer- complete with floor length red sequin gown- and the person I am mad at comes into the bar where I am doing said lounge singing, unaware that I will be there. And then I see them, and I sing a really pointed song that is obviously about them and how I don't like them anymore (often "Mein Herr" or "Hard Hearted Hannah" or "You've Been A Good Ol' Wagon But Daddy You Done Broke Down") and never did to begin with. Then they feel really bad, but also vastly impressed by my singing voice, and also especially guilty for having been douchey to a such a talented human being. Then they try to talk to me, but I disappear. Or I say something really clever. It changes.

This song also figures heavily into things, because of it's amazing badassness.

And it goes other ways too, depending on how I'm feeling. It could also be a person I still like, in which case the song choice will change to like "Come Rain or Come Shine" or "What'll I do" or sometimes I'm the one who screwed up, in which case I'll sing a song like "Guilty" or something. And then, of course, I will be totally forgiven, because the song was so very moving.

Suffice it to say, a great deal of my childhood was spent watching musicals- which has contributed to my feeling that nothing solves shit like Gershwin. The funny thing about this is, I've never really mentioned this before. I don't know why, I'm pretty open about things. But I mentioned it yesterday on the Facebook when I caved into peer pressure and filled out that damn 25 things about me thingy that people won't let you alone about. As it turns out, I am not the only one who does this- which is kind of hilarious and amazing and comforting at the same time.


belledame222 said...

Holy shit, you too? I -love- that song.

Miss Robyn said...

The Bessie Smith one? Isn't it just the best ever? I used to sing it all the time as a kid. But I swear to god, until I was 18 I didn't realize that "jelly roll" was any sort of euphemism and just thought she was fond of baked goods.