Dear Middle-Aged Couple Dry Humping On The Couch At Rodan-
Perhaps you were looking to add a little spice to your otherwise sexless marriage. Perhaps you were cheating on your spouses and didn't feel like splurging on a hotel room. Perhaps you were swingers hoping some hot young 20-something would see you getting it on and want in. Perhaps you've got that fetish where you want people to vomit on you, because let me tell you- I was almost there. Perhaps you think people were looking at you, not with abject horror, but jealousy- thinking "Wow! They are so totally in love and not at all nauseating in any way! I am so jealous of their deep, deep love!"
Whatever it was that you were thinking as you shoved your hands down eachothers pants, and sucking face like Romero zombies trying to get at some brains... I just want to say "Gee! Thanks!" for the clorox bleaching I'm going to have to give my retinas after being exposed to that. Really, thanks. You're a class act. For real.
Love and Kisses,