Monday, May 4, 2009

A funny thing happened on the way to the Thai Spoon...

SO. I was going to the Thai Spoon with some lady friends for the half off maki special (I know, they're confused.)- and parked right in front of the restaurant, we see this:


(not the actual one we saw, just another one on their website)

Super creepy. SUPER creepy- and while I'm standing there, pondering about exactly what sort of nutjobs would drive around in such a thing- I SEE them. A giant, Duggar-like family. It was like a crazypants jesus freak clown car- they just kept pouring out! And all the kids looked just like this:



Except like, way more peaked and inbred looking. Oh, and they were all wearing matching anti-abortion outfits. Now, I don't know about you, but a 9 year old is not going to convince me of anything. Why? Because when I was 9, I thought that the manatee that my class adopted was actually going to show up and I would get to take it home on weekends- and I was supposed to be "gifted," ok? Second of all, a car full of terrifying children looking like some creepy Mengele experiment is not going to do much in the way of convincing anyone to procreate.

But the thing was, I was absolutely aching to find the parents and go pick a fight. Which, you know, you can't really do, because they're clearly bonkers and you can't argue with crazy. I've just been feeling rather contentious lately. However, my friends were hungry, so I had to suck it up and go eat some sushi rather than go ballistic on the "Truth Truck" (that's what it said on the back- truthtruckusa.com).

I need a good argument soon- but not with a crazy. This thought actually occurred to me the other night when this dude was blowing smoke up my ass about how fantastic I am. I was just so bored. I mean, duh, he was just trying to get laid, but frankly, that's so not the way to go with me. Maybe I'm an asshole. I don't know. The fact is, I just prefer to punch my own weight. I would never stand around telling anyone I barely know how wonderful they are. I also get the feeling that not a single dude in this whole damn city could win an argument with me. Seriously, I could be like, 4 drinks in, half asleep and win at the logic game.

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Ok, that was going to be like, a totally serious analysis and shit- it was going to be way deep, but then Jill and Melissa suggested we go to Liar's for karaoke, so I scrapped that idea and ended up upside down on a couch singing Peggy Lee. Now I'm eating a bat of pepperoni and watching Daisy of Love. There are two dudes on this show from Chicago. I don't know either of them, as far as I know.

3 comments:

wolf biter said...

I like that "First Trimester of Life" poster. Know where they get those photos? ABORTED FETUSES.

Oh, the ironing is delicious.

Welcome to Chicago, Jillinois said...

Well fuck. Those photos on that truck make ME crave Thai food now, too.

Miss Robyn said...

I'm really partial to the part about how having an abortion makes women THE WALKING DEAD. If that is so, someone knock me up so I can get my ass to Planned Parenthood and become a zombie. It'll be sweet.