Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Way To Happiness (Did you know it's Scientology?)

Ok, so some mysterious person dropped off a Scientology pamphlet at the store called "The Way to Happiness," and let me tell you- it is absolutely glorious! Glorious! I don't think anything has made me this ecstatically happy since I found One-Arm Juanita, my weird dancing lady lamp that doesn't work (it's the simple things in life, really).

Here are some things I learned!

1. If one does not survive, no joy and happiness are unattainable (So... death is not in fact a dance party? I've been misled!)

2. You are well within your rights to insist that people bathe regularly and wash their hands.

3. Suggest to others that they preserve their teeth.

4. A "feeling of guilt" is nowhere near as sharp as a knife in the back or ground glass in the soup (why you should be faithful to your "sexual partner"- which, I think, in Scientology is a lot like your lab partner.)

5. While most children are capable of great decency, a few are born insane and, today, some are even born as drug addicts.

6. No one has the right to force data off on you and command you to believe it or else. If it is not true for you, it isn't true.

7. (Personal favorite!) The way to happiness does not include murdering, or your friends, your family or yourself being murdered. (Really? Because I thought that would be an awesome time! I have been shown the light!)

8. In some societies, when they are barbaric or become very degrade, it can even be the fashion to be a public eyesore. (On the runways of Calcutta...)

9. A thief sows the environment with mysteries.

10. Has there ever been an instance where another had some false data about you? Did it cause you trouble? This can give you some idea of the havoc false data can raise!

11. The new model eggbeater or washing machine, the latest years car, all demand some study and learning before they can be competently operated. When people omit it, there are acidents in the kitchen and piles of bleeding wreckage on the highways. (But what if the new model eggbeater lead to piles of bleeding wreckage on a highway? There's a story in that somewhere.)

12. The insane cannot learn.

13. Movie stuntment who don't practice first get hurt. So do housewives.

I am totally thrilled to pieces with this book. I went to the website http://www.twth.com/, and plan on ordering the DVD, which I believe will be a fantastic addition to my collection of weird religious videos. The Mormon shit is the best. In fact, as a general rule, whenever I start to think I might really like a fella, I show him my 80's Mormon video to see if he finds it hilarious or not. Because if he doesn't, it's so over.

Oh, and by the way, I just checked out the site for the Watchtower Society (you know, the Jehovahs?)... and I found out that you can request a home bible study! How funny would it be if you were really mad at someone and then as retaliation sent the Jehovah's Witnesses to their house?


Anonymous said...

Not sure why a simple book uttering simple truths (like how it's good to be honest, brush your teeth, respect human life) should be the subject of such glee-filled ridicule. But whatever floats your boat.

Miss Robyn said...

It does float my boat, Sir. In fact, it floats my SeaOrg.

EastAnon said...

Oooooohhhhh !!! You have the book!!
I have nothing from them! Not one flyer, no book, no DVD, no e-meter, nothing !!
What did you do to deserve happiness? Or what did i do that i don't? I do brush my teeth. Okay, not always 3 times a day, but very regularly. I even bathe more then once a week.

I really hate Scientology. They spread happiness on some random basis. Nowhere it is stated what to do to get the book.

I wish i hap like a pallet full of these. I would spread happiness like others spread bad odors.

Of course it could be that they don't have the money to do such a thing. I mean, they tell everyone the number of Scientologists was somewhere around 10 million, but the latest caucus said it was 50.000 worldwide. Maybe their income went down like a meteor.

I heard their org in Australia is running on empty. Not much happiness to spread there. Not that it's needed. Poms are happy enough as it is. And of course, it could be problematic that they are banned or about to be banned in Germany, Belgium, Greece, Israel, Russia and maybe some other countries as well.

Maybe they just ran out of happiness????