Tuesday, September 16, 2008

What's the difference between the Today Show and Cosmo?

Not lipstick. Not much, actually, because an article featuring this exact same advice was featured in this month's Cosmo- along with the usual advice about new and exciting things to do to your man's taint (so not even joking about this.)

What? Like I don't have enough to do? What do you want from me, body language experts? Like, am I supposed to jump out and say "Ha! You're stressed! You're tugging your collar! I read that in Cosmo and saw it on the Today show so it must be true!" or "Oh my god! You love me! I just caught you pointing your belly button at me! I'm totally gonna go pick out bridesmaids dresses now!" or am I supposed to spend hours with my friends analyzing what some dude meant by the way he shrugged? What if the guy is just itchy because he's allergic to his fabric softener?

True story- Some dude once got all huffy at me in a bar because my pupils did not dilate while he was talking to me. He said that this meant that I was not interested in him/ attracted to him (which was true, but he probably could have also guessed that by the fact that my eyes were not only undilated, but also rolling)- and he, of course- being a weird drunk guy- demanded to know why. And I, of course, being me, excused myself to go to the ladies room and never came back. The End. The moral of the story? Analyzing people's body language makes you look like a total weirdo.

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