Friday, June 27, 2008

Robyn answers your burning questions

So, I noticed recently that I get a lot of hits from people asking Google what to do about finding out their "boyfriend" is married- due to a post I wrote about finding out that my hypothetical boyfriend, Vincent D'onofrio, is in fact married. While that post, obviously, offers no advice whatsoever, I think I can help.

This movie doesn't end well- and I'm not saying that for any of the following Oprah-fied reasons:

1. Marriage/commitment are sacred! How could you do that to another woman?!?
2. He'll break your heart in the end!
3. If he'll do it to her, he'll do it to you!

Because- shit, whatever- if you're at all like me, you could give a crap less about morality and are probably emotionally detached from the situation anyway. At the end of the day, however- it's just a fucking annoying, pain in the ass, inconvenient situation for you, the other woman.

Why? Because you only get to be half a person. The part of you that's cute, and sexy, and charming gets to stay, and the part of you that has a bad day sometimes, and doesn't always have matching underwear, and has to be up early in the morning for work has to go- at least when he's around. Because, when he's dealing with you, he's looking for a respite from all that crap. And you have to settle for whatever time is good for him- and maybe as far as he's concerned you only exist at lunch break, or at 3 in the morning or whenever. He will get way more out of the situation than you will- he gets two and you get half of one (who probably ain't that great anyway). And you will get resentful and bitter because, really, you're not a fucking geisha, and you are a real, whole person, with bad days and mismatched underwear, and headaches and a job. And soon, everything about him will make you angry. Maybe you don't care about bourgeois morality, but you sure like it when people are nice to you, and you think honesty is pretty awesome- and quite frankly, you think he's kind of a weenie for bothering to be married or otherwise attached when he doesn't actually want to commit to the person.

At the end of the day, the effort will never be worth the outcome. So, enter at your own risk- but if it doesn't feel good, don't do it.

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