1. I have decided that the Red Eye needs to replace their sex columnist with, um, me. Because, I'm sorry, but Dustin J. Seibert (I just looked up his name.) seems to be hell bent on making what should logically be a hilarious and interesting column- as most sex columns are- the most boring and retarded crap I have ever read in my life. Which, you know- isn't that surprising seeing as how it's the Red Eye. However, I think it's the only job of that sort in the city, and I would very much like to have it. I promise I will not begin anything with "I couldn't help but wonder..."
However, I think I'd have to write it under a pen name, as I have a lot of especially Catholic relatives back in New England. Who would probably freak the fuck out if they ever even googled my name now.
2. I like juice. Especially in the morning when I'm hungover. Like today. And not like, juice flavored water. Actual juice. The kind that comes from fruit. Particularly strawberry kiwi juice. It is maybe my favorite thing ever. But, as I realized this morning, juice is now an endangered species and has been replaced in near entirety by juice flavored water. Now, fine- maybe the juice flavored water is better for me... but it is nowhere near as delicious, and is of no help in the morning when I am hungover and would like to actually taste something. I implore you, corner stores of the world and specifically Chicago Ave... do not give up on Strawberry Kiwi Snapple!
3. You may or may not have noticed that I took a post down like, a day after publishing it. Mostly because I decided it needed more serious thought. I plan on working that out today, along with doing laundry!