Dear Wise Crunchy Cheez Doodles:
Why do you not exist in Chicago? WHY? I have searched for you in every damned grocery store in the city, kept a vigilant eye out for your blue, confetti covered bag, and yet you do not appear. I will not deign to consume Cheetos, a clearly inferior product. It's just not right. Where can I find you? Why do you refuse to exist in Chicago? Seriously, I will do anything for just one bag of you! Also, please pass this desperate plea on to Drake's Cakes.
Love and Kisses,
PS- If you can tell me where to find a bag of Wise brand Crunchy Cheese Doodles in Chicago, we can totally make out. For realz.