Tuesday, November 11, 2008

People who need people.

Ok, for years now, I have been weirdly obsessed with personal ads. Not like, writing them or responding to them- because, frankly, I watch too much Law and Order and generally have enough trouble dealing with the dudes I know in real life. I just like reading them. I find them fascinating and hilarious. Plus, I think it's an interesting way to find out about people.

Things I have discovered about people in personal ads, a not-yet comprehensive list.

-They like fun. As opposed to everyone else in the world.
-They like to laugh. See above.
-They like "enjoying life" "exploring everything that life (*or the city) has to offer."
-They like going out to a foreign movie, an art exhibit, or to dinner- but they also enjoy just cuddling on the couch.
- They like movies and also music.
-They either are, or seek a woman who is just as comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt as she is in an evening gown. This seems to be an especially important and sought after quality.
-Older dudes refer to themselves as gentlemen and are usually looking for a nice or special lady, gal or companion- which I suspect means they are looking for someone their own age because I think most girls I know would balk at being called any of those things. Oh, and they use the term "petite" a lot.
- No one under the age of 40 refers to themselves as being sexy, or as having an "amazing" smile or "amazing" eyes.
-Women who want to be treated as "princesses" and men who are looking to treat a woman as one often express a love for boating.
- Most enjoy camping or hiking. Odd, considering we live in Chicago and I do not imagine there is much of that going on here.
- Younger women toe the Manic Pixie Dream Girl line. We used to call these "Amelie" ads, since most of the women writing them would describe themselves as such.
- Younger dudes go for absurdity. Sort of like Ubu Roi meets Must Love Dogs kind of thing. I guess.
- Forced sounding whimsicality on all ends.
- Dudes are way bigger on cuddling. snuggling etc.
- All very fond of that whole "dance like no one is watching" greeting card poem thing.
- Older people always claim to look younger than they are. No one ever writes "50 and totally looks it"
- Phrase "free spirit" thrown around way too much.
- They often like "this" and also it's total and complete opposite. Which indicates well roundedness I suppose?
- Those who use the terms "good hearted" or "god fearing" can rarely spell.
-Older men in the personals tend towards being musicians, while the older women tend to be, uh, writers. Which is slightly depressing.

PS- I've developed a fondness as of late for the totally resentful and angry ads, which are generally written by men. Features of said ad often include some sort of espousing about how said dude is only nice human being ever and how you probably just want to take his money and fuck with his head anyway. Total laughs.


Amanda said...

Ha, my personal ads (I've written a couple, what?) have featured a few but not most of your points. I'd say I'm most like the younger men, bc they tend to be absurd.

Here's a tip: sometimes people do not fully understand absurdity. I think the last dude took my tongue in cheek title a bit seriously.

Miss Robyn said...

I just hope one of the points wasn't "just as comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt as an evening gown" or whatever. Where are all these people going in evening gowns so often that this is that much of a priority?

I can tell you this much- long evening gowns do not sell. No one buys them, and they always end up on the sale rack, so I guess these people are shit out of luck.