Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Well, then I guess I'm elitist. Thanks, Ben Shapiro!

Oh wow. So Ben Shapiro (Harvard Graduate) has taken it upon himself to identify the traits of an elitist in the populist style of Jeff Foxworthy! So, I must wonder... am I in fact an elitist? Lets find out!
You’re an elitist if you love Brokeback Mountain, but think that John Wayne movies are jingoistic expressions of outdated American machismo.

What if I just think they're boring and have no intention of ever watching one?

You’re an elitist if you believe that anyone who supports the standard of a married man and woman raising a child is a bigot.

Bigot- n. One who is strongly partial to one's own group, religion, race, or politics and is intolerant of those who differ.

When the definition changes, let me know.

You’re an elitist if you love watching soccer and you’re not a recent immigrant.

Well, I guess soccer moms have gone out of style...

You’re an elitist if you hate Whittaker Chambers but love Arthur Miller.

Yeah, because non-elitist people totally know who Whittaker Chambers was. And who would prefer a dude who ratted on all his friends to the guy who wrote Death of a Salesman, and All My Sons? Which, btw, were not exactly plays about the elite of the nation.

You’re an elitist if you believe Jon Stewart is non-partisan, but Fox News is an outlet for the Republican National Committee.

Jon Stewart is a comedian on purpose. Fox News is just a joke

You’re an elitist if you don’t mind Sarah Silverman’s language but can’t stand James Dobson’s.

You're an idiot if you don't get that it's meta. She's not serious. James Dobson is.

You’re an elitist if you worry what the Europeans think of us.

Because making the world hate us works out so well, right?

You’re an elitist if you think public school teachers are qualified to inform your children about sex, but parents aren’t qualified to teach their children basic math.

Well, yes- because they have a curriculum. Also, as I imagine this refers to homeschooling- it's a lot more than basic math that people have to learn. Jen was homeschooled and was one of the few people she knew who went through that and ended up going to college and being able to function in the world.

You’re an elitist if you think the government should manage the health care system even though it can’t manage to keep the tax code within a 10,000 page limit

You're an asshole if you think only those with the financial means deserve health care.

You’re an elitist if you think transgenders ought to have their own bathrooms for privacy reasons, but public distribution of pornography is fine.

No one says that. What we actually say is that bathrooms should be unisex, and who gives a shit anyway? And who knew that only elitists liked porn? Go know, right?

You’re an elitist if you think that pro-life folks are fascists unmotivated by true sympathy for the unborn.

I'd be more likely to believe them if they had the same sympathy for the born.

You’re an elitist if you know what arugula is but don’t know who Jimmie Johnson is.

Arugula is delicious, and I think he's the sandwich guy?

Oh well, so I guess I'm an elitist. Go know. Thank god I have Ben Shapiro (Harvard Graduate) to fill me in.

You know You're an Elitist if... by Ben Shapiro

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