Tuesday, March 27, 2007
It sounds crazy, but if you had the money you know you'd do it
At least I would. Because it would be totally bad ass. It seems that Michael Jackson is looking to have a 50 foot robot replica of himself made for a show in Las Vegas. With lasers shooting out of it's eyes! Lasers! Out of it's EYES! (source) Paul McCartney is thinking about investing in it too. Which is weird because I thought they had that falling out about MJ buying the rights to all The Beatle's songs or something.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Varied and Sundry... It's been a good day.
1. I think I saw Charo at Swank Frank.
2. Today while I was wandering around downtown in between classes, I came upon the most amazing thing ever. It's called the "Stitch Salon"- and it's only open until Saturday (I was a little late on the bandwagon)- so if you're a knitter or a crocheter or sewer or something, you should go check it out before it closes- apparently it's been open the whole winter. Basically, people go down there and stitch a patch onto this skirt, and then they're going to take it around to yarn shops and put it on display. I think it's a really nifty idea. In fact, it gave me an idea of my own- I think I'm going to try to get everyone I know to give me a patch of some kind- like, not necessarily knitted or crocheted if they don't know how to do that- even just like, a cloth patch that they've decorated somehow, and sew them all into a blanket. I don't know how many people I could get to jump on that bandwagon, but I think it would be really super awesome if I could make it work.
3. SheepMan Lives!
4. Crazy anti-choice politicians in Texas want to buy your baby
2. Today while I was wandering around downtown in between classes, I came upon the most amazing thing ever. It's called the "Stitch Salon"- and it's only open until Saturday (I was a little late on the bandwagon)- so if you're a knitter or a crocheter or sewer or something, you should go check it out before it closes- apparently it's been open the whole winter. Basically, people go down there and stitch a patch onto this skirt, and then they're going to take it around to yarn shops and put it on display. I think it's a really nifty idea. In fact, it gave me an idea of my own- I think I'm going to try to get everyone I know to give me a patch of some kind- like, not necessarily knitted or crocheted if they don't know how to do that- even just like, a cloth patch that they've decorated somehow, and sew them all into a blanket. I don't know how many people I could get to jump on that bandwagon, but I think it would be really super awesome if I could make it work.
3. SheepMan Lives!
4. Crazy anti-choice politicians in Texas want to buy your baby
Monday, March 19, 2007
My birthday is June 5th... save up people
Sparkly sad clown painting of Anna Nicole Smith by Rene Garcia Jr. (www.renegarciajr.com). I'd totally put it over the mantlepiece, bitches.
Republicans uncool on Myspace... pretty much anywhere else
Still, most of them have way fewer friends than your average girl with pictures of her bethonged ass. Maybe they need to get webcams? Shudder.
For the Bavarian on the go...
Lederhosen with built in cellphone. It's all I've ever wanted and more...
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Nipple Rougin' in the USA!
Hey ladies! Don't have enough things to worry about? Well, after you get that vaginaplasty and labia pump you've been wanting, go and pick up a bottle of Benetint at the Benefit counter and rouge up your nipples! Because they're just not rosy and fresh enough! No, really:
However, for the purpose of experimentation, since I own a bottle of Benetint (for cheeks and lips, not for my boobs), I decided to try it out. Just on one. And in no way was it any kind of positive change, and in fact looked sort of bloody. I haven't washed it off yet, and I will tell you that I feel no better about myself with my one nipple looking this way. In fact, I feel really weird about it.
Now, I will tell you that I do indeed own a thing of strawberry flavored nipple gloss. But it was a dollar at the porn store and I bought it because, well, that's just too funny and how could I not buy it, right? And also it works as lip gloss. However, I must tell you, that no one has ever complained that my nipples were not fresh and rosy looking enough, or glossy or strawberry flavored enough. Never in my life. It's never, ever happened. And, frankly, I would put money on the fact that it never will. I have had nothing but positive reviews on them just the way they are. So, dears, my Benetint will be staying on my cheeks and lips where it belongs, thank you very much.
via Feministe
Nipple Tint Goes MassOk, I'm not a straight guy or a lesbian, but if I were, I feel like I'd probably be damned weirded out if I found out that the chick I was with was rouging her nipples to make them appear to be fresh and rosy. I know I'd be really freaked out if a guy did it.
Benefit touts Benetint as nipple paint.
By Beth Landman
In just one more sign of the stripperization of the Everywoman,
Benefit’s Benetint, conceived in the seventies for an exotic dancer to color
lips and cheeks, is now also being sold at Sephora and elsewhere as a
“kiss-proof and water-resistant” nipple tint. “Women want nipples to be pert and
fresh-looking, and this shade makes them appear that way,” Benefit spokeswoman
Alison Haljun says. “For a long time, the idea of a ripe, rosy nipple has been
considered appealing and alluring.’’ But aren’t the nipples usually undisplayed?
“Even if you don’t show it off, you know they’re rosier and more perky,” she
says. Sonia Ossorio, president of NOW in New York, says, “I can barely keep up
with keeping my nails manicured, much less this nauseating onslaught of new
beauty standards. While women are spending their energy, time, and money getting
their areolas just the right shade of pink, the Supreme Court is getting more
conservative and closer to taking away our long-fought right to reproductive
choice.”
However, for the purpose of experimentation, since I own a bottle of Benetint (for cheeks and lips, not for my boobs), I decided to try it out. Just on one. And in no way was it any kind of positive change, and in fact looked sort of bloody. I haven't washed it off yet, and I will tell you that I feel no better about myself with my one nipple looking this way. In fact, I feel really weird about it.
Now, I will tell you that I do indeed own a thing of strawberry flavored nipple gloss. But it was a dollar at the porn store and I bought it because, well, that's just too funny and how could I not buy it, right? And also it works as lip gloss. However, I must tell you, that no one has ever complained that my nipples were not fresh and rosy looking enough, or glossy or strawberry flavored enough. Never in my life. It's never, ever happened. And, frankly, I would put money on the fact that it never will. I have had nothing but positive reviews on them just the way they are. So, dears, my Benetint will be staying on my cheeks and lips where it belongs, thank you very much.
via Feministe
Portable Vagina Dentata...
Whenever asked "If I were able to have any superpower, what superpower would it be?" I have always answered the ability to posess vagina dentata (teeth in the vag) at will. Of course, I'm totally kidding. However, Rapex, the anti-rape condom (found here at www.rapestop.net) can make my dream a reality!
It's not you, it's me- or, sisters are doing it to themselves
This is the thing- I'm a feminist. Duh. But there is one thing I just don't think the fella's deserve the blame for. And that thing is women's body image. That is all us. Sure, the media perpetuates this idea that we're supposed to be absolutely perfect looking, 40 lbs underweight, and blonde. That's what we are told men want. And we buy into it, and also buy a whole lot of crap we don't need in the process. Then we get all upset because we can't possibly be that, and who would want us when we're not? Well, pretty much any of them.
Think about it- if you have boobs and a vag, you can pretty much get laid anytime you want. I mean- have you read Portnoy's Complaint? A guy will do it to a piece of raw liver! Their standards are waaaaaay below what we think they are. They don't even notice when our hair is an entirely different color- you think they notice when we're three pounds overweight? No, they don't. But we do. Women are far more conscious and judgemental of the appearance of other women than men are.
Now, if you actually talk to your average guy, odds are he'll tell you that A) He's not that into stick figures and B) He actually doesn't like make-up all that much. We can be told this until hell freezes over, but we're still going to diet and spend a crapload of cash at the Nars counter. Why, because it's not them, it's us. We're looking at the television and we're looking at magazines instead of looking around in the world. Now- I don't attract any fewer men than I did when I was 15 lbs lighter, but at the same time I am trying my damnedest to get back there.
Think about this for a second. At a bar, there is a smoking hot chick, and an average looking chick. Who do you think is going to get hit on more? If you said the hot chick, you are wrong. Men are terrified of rejection. They figure the hot chick will be far more likely to reject them than the average looking girl is. So, if you want to reel in the fella's, you're probably better off being plain looking. Also, men, being individuals, usually have different ideas of what they think is attractive that don't necessarily conform with the media's beauty standards.
If you think about it, we're actually a lot harsher on them than they are on us. I mean, I don't think men sit around with their friends compiling lists of qualities their ideal person would have to possess. They probably don't pick apart every individual detail of anyone they are dating either and analyzing everything they do or say. But a lot of the time, we do. And frankly, I think that we're projecting.
Think about it- if you have boobs and a vag, you can pretty much get laid anytime you want. I mean- have you read Portnoy's Complaint? A guy will do it to a piece of raw liver! Their standards are waaaaaay below what we think they are. They don't even notice when our hair is an entirely different color- you think they notice when we're three pounds overweight? No, they don't. But we do. Women are far more conscious and judgemental of the appearance of other women than men are.
Now, if you actually talk to your average guy, odds are he'll tell you that A) He's not that into stick figures and B) He actually doesn't like make-up all that much. We can be told this until hell freezes over, but we're still going to diet and spend a crapload of cash at the Nars counter. Why, because it's not them, it's us. We're looking at the television and we're looking at magazines instead of looking around in the world. Now- I don't attract any fewer men than I did when I was 15 lbs lighter, but at the same time I am trying my damnedest to get back there.
Think about this for a second. At a bar, there is a smoking hot chick, and an average looking chick. Who do you think is going to get hit on more? If you said the hot chick, you are wrong. Men are terrified of rejection. They figure the hot chick will be far more likely to reject them than the average looking girl is. So, if you want to reel in the fella's, you're probably better off being plain looking. Also, men, being individuals, usually have different ideas of what they think is attractive that don't necessarily conform with the media's beauty standards.
If you think about it, we're actually a lot harsher on them than they are on us. I mean, I don't think men sit around with their friends compiling lists of qualities their ideal person would have to possess. They probably don't pick apart every individual detail of anyone they are dating either and analyzing everything they do or say. But a lot of the time, we do. And frankly, I think that we're projecting.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
I know, I know- it's been forever!
But I've been a very busy lady. I've had two weeks of very lovely houseguests. First there was Michael (aka The New Jan Brady, who is supposed to post on here but has not as of yet) and his beau Ian, and then a few days later, there was Kris, my best friend from highschool. It's been crazy, I tell you. And in about a week and a half, my friend Nicole is coming up, and the week after that, my sister is coming for a week. I am a popular lady.
I digress. Now, I try to stay away from writing too many personal things on here. However, this past Wednesday was something special. Short bus special. Pour quoi? In three short hours I ran the marathon of abject humiliation. And survived. Because I'm a survivor, baby. Check it out:
10:30am- Chicago Bus. Try to get off at Millwaukee, only to find that my earring is attatched to the man standing next to me and have to get off at next stop as I cannot untangle myself from his Cosby sweater.
10:45am- Go to get on the Blue line, as I am walking onto the train, the strap on my shoe breaks and my shoe falls off, and the train takes off with me on it, leaving my shoe on the platform before I can do anything about it. Have to ride to Grand standing on one shoe, get onto next train, retrieve shoe at Chicago stop and get back on train.
1:00pm- Random fella on street asks for a light. "Sure! I have matches!" I say. I reach into my purse to grab them, and then hand to him what I believe to be a pack of matches, but is instead, a condom. And not just any condom. The kind Linday and I got from the funny vending machine in the bathroom at Twisted Spoke, which was labled "Black Studded Condom" and appeared to be manufactured to appeal to bikers or something.
Ta fucking da.
The sad thing is, people- I'm barely phased. My face was not even red. And let me tell you why- because when you have lived this so many times over, it's just another day. Oy.
I digress. Now, I try to stay away from writing too many personal things on here. However, this past Wednesday was something special. Short bus special. Pour quoi? In three short hours I ran the marathon of abject humiliation. And survived. Because I'm a survivor, baby. Check it out:
10:30am- Chicago Bus. Try to get off at Millwaukee, only to find that my earring is attatched to the man standing next to me and have to get off at next stop as I cannot untangle myself from his Cosby sweater.
10:45am- Go to get on the Blue line, as I am walking onto the train, the strap on my shoe breaks and my shoe falls off, and the train takes off with me on it, leaving my shoe on the platform before I can do anything about it. Have to ride to Grand standing on one shoe, get onto next train, retrieve shoe at Chicago stop and get back on train.
1:00pm- Random fella on street asks for a light. "Sure! I have matches!" I say. I reach into my purse to grab them, and then hand to him what I believe to be a pack of matches, but is instead, a condom. And not just any condom. The kind Linday and I got from the funny vending machine in the bathroom at Twisted Spoke, which was labled "Black Studded Condom" and appeared to be manufactured to appeal to bikers or something.
Ta fucking da.
The sad thing is, people- I'm barely phased. My face was not even red. And let me tell you why- because when you have lived this so many times over, it's just another day. Oy.
Friday, February 23, 2007
In response to the APA's report on the sexualization of young girls
If you haven't read it, it's here.
One thing that has always struck me as interesting, is the profound difference between girls right around my age- who went to middle school and early highschool in the days of Sassy Magazine and the Riot Grrrl movement, compared with girls just a bit younger- by one or two years, even, who went through those days with Britney Spears and the Spice Girls. It was especially obvious in highschool- I remember we'd be sitting in the cafeteria looking at the underclassmen being weirded out that some of the girls were actually cheerleaders- which we kind of regarded as something of a throwback. Especially because they only cheered for the boys teams. I also remember the first time I saw a Britney Spears video and thought "Oh man, this has to be a joke. No one would actually take this seriously! We make fun of this stuff now!" I was shocked when "Princess" shirts came out and women actually wore them without a hint of irony.
I have to wonder- would I be the same person I am now if I had been born a few years later? I mean, my mother was and is a very strong feminist role model- but without the culture to back me up, who knows where I'd be. I mean- there has to be a difference, culturally. I mean- you've got the girls that read Sassy, which was all about empowerment, and activism, and making skirts out of ties... and then you've got these girls who only had YM- which was all about being embarassed about your period and getting the guy who sits in front of you in Math class to notice you. You've got Kathleen Hanna telling you to get angry at sexism and rape culture, and then Britney saying "Hit me baby one more time." Something happened.
We've all discussed a billion times how riot grrrl got turned into the more marketable "Girl Power" movement. All of a sudden, women playing guitar turned into women prancing around in hot pants. It was no longer about doing, but being. Women like Roseanne were replaced on television by the ditzy Friends.
It was a small window in time. Maybe only about 4 years or so. I think it's possible that we, as women, have let the younger generations down- we didn't keep it going. We can't blame it all on marketing- because we could have been working harder to keep the grass-roots movements going that were actually having a pervasive effect on society as a whole. It's up to women to empower eachother, because clearly, we can see what happens when the corporate machine is given free reign.
One thing that has always struck me as interesting, is the profound difference between girls right around my age- who went to middle school and early highschool in the days of Sassy Magazine and the Riot Grrrl movement, compared with girls just a bit younger- by one or two years, even, who went through those days with Britney Spears and the Spice Girls. It was especially obvious in highschool- I remember we'd be sitting in the cafeteria looking at the underclassmen being weirded out that some of the girls were actually cheerleaders- which we kind of regarded as something of a throwback. Especially because they only cheered for the boys teams. I also remember the first time I saw a Britney Spears video and thought "Oh man, this has to be a joke. No one would actually take this seriously! We make fun of this stuff now!" I was shocked when "Princess" shirts came out and women actually wore them without a hint of irony.
I have to wonder- would I be the same person I am now if I had been born a few years later? I mean, my mother was and is a very strong feminist role model- but without the culture to back me up, who knows where I'd be. I mean- there has to be a difference, culturally. I mean- you've got the girls that read Sassy, which was all about empowerment, and activism, and making skirts out of ties... and then you've got these girls who only had YM- which was all about being embarassed about your period and getting the guy who sits in front of you in Math class to notice you. You've got Kathleen Hanna telling you to get angry at sexism and rape culture, and then Britney saying "Hit me baby one more time." Something happened.
We've all discussed a billion times how riot grrrl got turned into the more marketable "Girl Power" movement. All of a sudden, women playing guitar turned into women prancing around in hot pants. It was no longer about doing, but being. Women like Roseanne were replaced on television by the ditzy Friends.
It was a small window in time. Maybe only about 4 years or so. I think it's possible that we, as women, have let the younger generations down- we didn't keep it going. We can't blame it all on marketing- because we could have been working harder to keep the grass-roots movements going that were actually having a pervasive effect on society as a whole. It's up to women to empower eachother, because clearly, we can see what happens when the corporate machine is given free reign.
Myspace Survey Question Turns Into Essay...
DO YOU TAKE COMPLIMENTS WELL?
No. No I don't. Because, quite frankly, I think most people are completely full of shit. I also see ulterior motives in just about everything.
Like for instance, this one time I'm at this bar, right? And I'm talking to this guy and he gets all "Oooh... you have really perfect skin, are you wearing face make-up or anything or is it just like that naturally? Can I touch your face?" So, you know, I just got the fuck up out of there. Sure, some people would see it as a harmless compliment, just a guy being nice. But I know the truth. He wanted to cut my skin off and wear it around the house. However, he would have been in for quite the disappointment, as I am not in fact a size 12.
At the same time, I have always been wary of any guy who compliments my shoes just a little too much. Because, if he's not gay, he's probably a foot fetishist. And yeah- I read Dan Savage. I know all about that "Dump an honest foot fetishist and marry a dishonest necrophilliac stuff"- but I would really like to have my cake and eat it too on this one. I don't want anyone touching my damned feet. I just don't. And besides, it's not like I'm dumping any foot fetishists- I'm stopping it before it happens. You know what they say- an ounce of prevention...
Now, some dudes just go overboard with the compliments altogether. You know the ones- you've known them for all of five minutes and all of a sudden they start telling you you're the sunshine of their life and also the greatest thing since sliced bread?
That is just so damned offensive. I honestly feel really shocked when anyone honestly thinks I am dumb enough to eat up that amount of bullshit. Now- sure, I'm awesome- it's pretty much a fact. But you have to know me for a reasonable amount of time before you understand that. I'm definitely an acquired taste, in the "George Costanza 'Byyyy... Mennen!'" way. And I'm ok with that. Also, the guy that does this is also the "relationship feigner"- another thing I am deeply offended by. See, because these dudes have the aforementioned (in the previous blog) delusion that every woman secretly wants to marry them. I mean, it's this whole "bwah hah hah! I will pretend I am interested in something more than just getting in your pants in order to get into your pants" thing. And uh, I don't need that shit. Because I don't want to be in a relationship with them. Duh. Because you're full of shit, and I know it, and you know it, but you're not swift enough to know that I know it. Which makes you stupid. And I hate stupid.
Speaking of hating stupid- ok, for some reason a lot of fella's seem to think this is an awesome line/compliment: "Wow, you're like, so much smarter than I am." And you know- while that shit may work on you all... because I know some of you still think dumb is cute... I think it's pretty icky and generally disconcerting. I like people to have more pride than that. I really think that anyone who is intimidated by me must be just the putz of the century. I also think that if I am the smartest person in any given room that we have a very dire situation on our hands and one that ought to be corrected immediately and without further ado.
So no, I do not take compliments well
No. No I don't. Because, quite frankly, I think most people are completely full of shit. I also see ulterior motives in just about everything.
Like for instance, this one time I'm at this bar, right? And I'm talking to this guy and he gets all "Oooh... you have really perfect skin, are you wearing face make-up or anything or is it just like that naturally? Can I touch your face?" So, you know, I just got the fuck up out of there. Sure, some people would see it as a harmless compliment, just a guy being nice. But I know the truth. He wanted to cut my skin off and wear it around the house. However, he would have been in for quite the disappointment, as I am not in fact a size 12.
At the same time, I have always been wary of any guy who compliments my shoes just a little too much. Because, if he's not gay, he's probably a foot fetishist. And yeah- I read Dan Savage. I know all about that "Dump an honest foot fetishist and marry a dishonest necrophilliac stuff"- but I would really like to have my cake and eat it too on this one. I don't want anyone touching my damned feet. I just don't. And besides, it's not like I'm dumping any foot fetishists- I'm stopping it before it happens. You know what they say- an ounce of prevention...
Now, some dudes just go overboard with the compliments altogether. You know the ones- you've known them for all of five minutes and all of a sudden they start telling you you're the sunshine of their life and also the greatest thing since sliced bread?
That is just so damned offensive. I honestly feel really shocked when anyone honestly thinks I am dumb enough to eat up that amount of bullshit. Now- sure, I'm awesome- it's pretty much a fact. But you have to know me for a reasonable amount of time before you understand that. I'm definitely an acquired taste, in the "George Costanza 'Byyyy... Mennen!'" way. And I'm ok with that. Also, the guy that does this is also the "relationship feigner"- another thing I am deeply offended by. See, because these dudes have the aforementioned (in the previous blog) delusion that every woman secretly wants to marry them. I mean, it's this whole "bwah hah hah! I will pretend I am interested in something more than just getting in your pants in order to get into your pants" thing. And uh, I don't need that shit. Because I don't want to be in a relationship with them. Duh. Because you're full of shit, and I know it, and you know it, but you're not swift enough to know that I know it. Which makes you stupid. And I hate stupid.
Speaking of hating stupid- ok, for some reason a lot of fella's seem to think this is an awesome line/compliment: "Wow, you're like, so much smarter than I am." And you know- while that shit may work on you all... because I know some of you still think dumb is cute... I think it's pretty icky and generally disconcerting. I like people to have more pride than that. I really think that anyone who is intimidated by me must be just the putz of the century. I also think that if I am the smartest person in any given room that we have a very dire situation on our hands and one that ought to be corrected immediately and without further ado.
So no, I do not take compliments well
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Why I am about to start throwing things, or... Back the fuck up off my vag.
Ok, I have just absolutely fucking had it. Every single day I read an article or see something on TV about how desperately concerned people are about the "whores." Oh my god they're unmarried! Oh my god they're having sex! Oh my god they're tempting otherwise pure and virginal men with their slutty ways!
And then, today, I turn on the TV and there is Tyra Banks with a special on "Do guys really like promiscuous girls?" (complete with the Nelly Furtado song playing in the background, mind you). So there are all these girls on stage talking about how (oh my god.) they have sex. Tyra acts all concerned. Then, they bring on a bunch of guys who say things like "Yeah, well, we might sleep with you, but we wouldn't want you raising our children and we're not going to respect you" and blah blah blah. Then, they take aside the one girl that was raped when she was younger (because, as we know, women don't fuck because they like it, they do it because they're damaged) and make her cry. Because she's been a whore, but she can repent!
Can I just tell you- I live for the day where they take a bunch of men, throw them on a talk show and express concern for their sexual practices and tell them they're whores- and that what they are doing would be ok if they were women. Oh, and bring a bunch of women on the show too to tell them "Well, I might sleep with you, but I wouldn't want you raising my children and I won't respect you." And then make them cry. I fucking live for it.
I live for the day a teenage boy is taken on a talk-show because he's slept with too many girls.
I live for the article expressing concern about the effect unmarried sex will have on men (other than the "women need to stop being dirty whores so the men can stay pure" argument).
I live for a book called "She's just not that into you." Because man, do I know some fella's who could use that one.
I live to hear about the sex-ed class where girls are asked to raise their hands if they would like to marry a virgin (Yeah, there was an article recently about a sex-ed teacher in Washington who had all the boys in the class raise their hands if they wanted to marry a virgin- and of course they all did. And of course she turned to the girls and said "See!")
I also live for the television show featuring a fat woman and her supermodel husband.
I'm just so, so tired of it. First of all, all this shit contributes to those absurd delusions of grandeur men have about every woman wanting to marry them. Because, let me tell you, there is nothing more irritating and offensive than a guy you can barely tolerate for one night acting as though you're secretly trying to rope him into a lifetime of matrimonial bliss. If anything, in my life, men have always been the ones who get all relationship-y on my commitment-phobic ass- so really, I think this particular idea needs to be put to rest.
There is no longer any reason for women to be so desperately concerned about what men might think of them. I'm sorry, but we no longer live in a world where we cannot survive without them- and hell, we're proving it by *not* marrying them- look at the statistics. It's not their ball game any more. So no- they no longer get their cherished double standard of "men can fuck whomever they want and be "studs" and a woman who does it is dirty whore." Because we're not going along with it any more, no matter how many talkshows there are about it, or how many articles in the National Review. Hah.
And then, today, I turn on the TV and there is Tyra Banks with a special on "Do guys really like promiscuous girls?" (complete with the Nelly Furtado song playing in the background, mind you). So there are all these girls on stage talking about how (oh my god.) they have sex. Tyra acts all concerned. Then, they bring on a bunch of guys who say things like "Yeah, well, we might sleep with you, but we wouldn't want you raising our children and we're not going to respect you" and blah blah blah. Then, they take aside the one girl that was raped when she was younger (because, as we know, women don't fuck because they like it, they do it because they're damaged) and make her cry. Because she's been a whore, but she can repent!
Can I just tell you- I live for the day where they take a bunch of men, throw them on a talk show and express concern for their sexual practices and tell them they're whores- and that what they are doing would be ok if they were women. Oh, and bring a bunch of women on the show too to tell them "Well, I might sleep with you, but I wouldn't want you raising my children and I won't respect you." And then make them cry. I fucking live for it.
I live for the day a teenage boy is taken on a talk-show because he's slept with too many girls.
I live for the article expressing concern about the effect unmarried sex will have on men (other than the "women need to stop being dirty whores so the men can stay pure" argument).
I live for a book called "She's just not that into you." Because man, do I know some fella's who could use that one.
I live to hear about the sex-ed class where girls are asked to raise their hands if they would like to marry a virgin (Yeah, there was an article recently about a sex-ed teacher in Washington who had all the boys in the class raise their hands if they wanted to marry a virgin- and of course they all did. And of course she turned to the girls and said "See!")
I also live for the television show featuring a fat woman and her supermodel husband.
I'm just so, so tired of it. First of all, all this shit contributes to those absurd delusions of grandeur men have about every woman wanting to marry them. Because, let me tell you, there is nothing more irritating and offensive than a guy you can barely tolerate for one night acting as though you're secretly trying to rope him into a lifetime of matrimonial bliss. If anything, in my life, men have always been the ones who get all relationship-y on my commitment-phobic ass- so really, I think this particular idea needs to be put to rest.
There is no longer any reason for women to be so desperately concerned about what men might think of them. I'm sorry, but we no longer live in a world where we cannot survive without them- and hell, we're proving it by *not* marrying them- look at the statistics. It's not their ball game any more. So no- they no longer get their cherished double standard of "men can fuck whomever they want and be "studs" and a woman who does it is dirty whore." Because we're not going along with it any more, no matter how many talkshows there are about it, or how many articles in the National Review. Hah.
Make Room For The Holy Ghost!
Dear Middle-Aged Couple Dry Humping On The Couch At Rodan-
Perhaps you were looking to add a little spice to your otherwise sexless marriage. Perhaps you were cheating on your spouses and didn't feel like splurging on a hotel room. Perhaps you were swingers hoping some hot young 20-something would see you getting it on and want in. Perhaps you've got that fetish where you want people to vomit on you, because let me tell you- I was almost there. Perhaps you think people were looking at you, not with abject horror, but jealousy- thinking "Wow! They are so totally in love and not at all nauseating in any way! I am so jealous of their deep, deep love!"
Whatever it was that you were thinking as you shoved your hands down eachothers pants, and sucking face like Romero zombies trying to get at some brains... I just want to say "Gee! Thanks!" for the clorox bleaching I'm going to have to give my retinas after being exposed to that. Really, thanks. You're a class act. For real.
Love and Kisses,
Miss Robyn
Perhaps you were looking to add a little spice to your otherwise sexless marriage. Perhaps you were cheating on your spouses and didn't feel like splurging on a hotel room. Perhaps you were swingers hoping some hot young 20-something would see you getting it on and want in. Perhaps you've got that fetish where you want people to vomit on you, because let me tell you- I was almost there. Perhaps you think people were looking at you, not with abject horror, but jealousy- thinking "Wow! They are so totally in love and not at all nauseating in any way! I am so jealous of their deep, deep love!"
Whatever it was that you were thinking as you shoved your hands down eachothers pants, and sucking face like Romero zombies trying to get at some brains... I just want to say "Gee! Thanks!" for the clorox bleaching I'm going to have to give my retinas after being exposed to that. Really, thanks. You're a class act. For real.
Love and Kisses,
Miss Robyn
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
It's getting pretty chilly in hell...
Helen Thomas gives up her seat
Because they were all like "Uh, Helen- we have TV now. Americans don't *have* to read anymore, k? And we're like totally getting tired of you constantly asking questions and stuff. Like, you're always all Debbie Downer and shit, ok?" And then Helen was all like "Whatever, I don't need you bitches. All the smart people know I'm better than you any way." and they're like "Yeah, whatever, like we care- they're nerds, hello! Besides, Fox News' parents are like, way rich and totally don't care if we do beer bongs in the backyard."
Yeah, so basically, they're making Helen Thomas give up her permanent seat, so someone from some cable news program (which, lets be honest, will more than likely be FOX NEWS instead of CNN. Which, on a rare occasion, airs actual news) so we can all hear more questions like "So, uh, isn't it super great how super great the war in Iraq is going?" and "Uh, so like, who does your hair?" and "What do you think about Anna Nicole's untimely demise- ooh, and who do you think the baby daddy is?"
Oy.
Because they were all like "Uh, Helen- we have TV now. Americans don't *have* to read anymore, k? And we're like totally getting tired of you constantly asking questions and stuff. Like, you're always all Debbie Downer and shit, ok?" And then Helen was all like "Whatever, I don't need you bitches. All the smart people know I'm better than you any way." and they're like "Yeah, whatever, like we care- they're nerds, hello! Besides, Fox News' parents are like, way rich and totally don't care if we do beer bongs in the backyard."
Yeah, so basically, they're making Helen Thomas give up her permanent seat, so someone from some cable news program (which, lets be honest, will more than likely be FOX NEWS instead of CNN. Which, on a rare occasion, airs actual news) so we can all hear more questions like "So, uh, isn't it super great how super great the war in Iraq is going?" and "Uh, so like, who does your hair?" and "What do you think about Anna Nicole's untimely demise- ooh, and who do you think the baby daddy is?"
Oy.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Erase Racism Carnival
The 9th Erase Racism Carnival is up at Writeous Sister Speaks so go check it out!
Christians oppressed by lack of A-List actors appearing in Left Behind series
Oh good god.
See- this is the thing that bothers me. It's not enough to make Christian movies for a Christian audience. They have to demand that secular people see and like them too (and of course, convert and repent afterwards). It's just absurd. This guy also claims to be annoyed that a secular audience doesn't get to hear enough Christian music.
It boggles the mind. I mean, if we're so damn evil, and you hate us so much, WHY OH WHY do you seek our approval so desperately? Is it just sadism?
You know, it's like all this damn country is, is just every episode of "Wife Swap" or "Trading Spouses"- like, there's the Wacky Rock and Roll secular mom, and the Uptight Christian mom. And the Christian mom, when it's her turn to decide the rules, always demands that they read the Bible and worship Jesus. What is that? Really. Just like the whole point of wanting school prayer is to make non-Christians pray to Jesus. All the political crap they do- anti-abortion, anti-gay, etc. is aimed at forcing people who don't believe in their religion to obey it's laws. That's all it is. It's not about anything else. Which is fucked up.
And like I just said in a response to Pinko Feminist Hellcat's post about so called "anti-christian bigotry"- I think a big part of this "Oh my god! We're so totally oppressed by secularists!" thing is that they are chomping at the bit to be persecuted. Because they think that after the rapture, the jesus freaks who aren't vacuumed into heaven, are all going to be beheaded by us if they don't accept "The Mark of The Beast." Which, frankly, would be kind of weird of us to do considering we don't believe in "The Beast." I mean, if we don't oppress them, we probably won't get around to beheading them, and then they don't get to be saints. God, like we don't have better things to do. I mean, I can't even get around to dropping off my dry cleaning- I don't have time to behead anyone. Oy.
See- this is the thing that bothers me. It's not enough to make Christian movies for a Christian audience. They have to demand that secular people see and like them too (and of course, convert and repent afterwards). It's just absurd. This guy also claims to be annoyed that a secular audience doesn't get to hear enough Christian music.
It boggles the mind. I mean, if we're so damn evil, and you hate us so much, WHY OH WHY do you seek our approval so desperately? Is it just sadism?
You know, it's like all this damn country is, is just every episode of "Wife Swap" or "Trading Spouses"- like, there's the Wacky Rock and Roll secular mom, and the Uptight Christian mom. And the Christian mom, when it's her turn to decide the rules, always demands that they read the Bible and worship Jesus. What is that? Really. Just like the whole point of wanting school prayer is to make non-Christians pray to Jesus. All the political crap they do- anti-abortion, anti-gay, etc. is aimed at forcing people who don't believe in their religion to obey it's laws. That's all it is. It's not about anything else. Which is fucked up.
And like I just said in a response to Pinko Feminist Hellcat's post about so called "anti-christian bigotry"- I think a big part of this "Oh my god! We're so totally oppressed by secularists!" thing is that they are chomping at the bit to be persecuted. Because they think that after the rapture, the jesus freaks who aren't vacuumed into heaven, are all going to be beheaded by us if they don't accept "The Mark of The Beast." Which, frankly, would be kind of weird of us to do considering we don't believe in "The Beast." I mean, if we don't oppress them, we probably won't get around to beheading them, and then they don't get to be saints. God, like we don't have better things to do. I mean, I can't even get around to dropping off my dry cleaning- I don't have time to behead anyone. Oy.
I can think of one thing they have in common...
They both have wood in their heads...
Bush continues be hung up on this idea that, while we may think he's a moron now, historians in the year 2500 will think he's a genius. I don't know if he's counting on people getting dumber, or what, but I just don't see that happening. Call me crazy... but I don't know.
Bush continues be hung up on this idea that, while we may think he's a moron now, historians in the year 2500 will think he's a genius. I don't know if he's counting on people getting dumber, or what, but I just don't see that happening. Call me crazy... but I don't know.
"I’m reading about George Washington still,” the president told reporters
at a December news conference where he defended his Iraq policy. “My attitude
is, if they’re still analyzing No. 1, 43 ought not to worry about it and just do
what he thinks is right, and make the tough choices necessary.”
Insiders say this is the book Bushy was reading:
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Another introduction! Hooray!
It's true, I've got me another contributer (and soon the other three will answer the email invite... promise) who is none other than my dear friend Drew. Drew is another Columbia Fiction person and super awesome writer, who likes crispy orphans, pyrokenesis, and thinks I'm completely insane but hangs out with me anyway. Probably because I'm the most fun ever. Or because of my tendancy to wear a lot of low cut shirts- I'm not sure which it is really. His regular blog, The Villa Straylight, is linked to on the sidebar, so check that out.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Planet of The Arabs
Check out Jackie Salloum's website (http://www.jsalloum.org/films.html) for her film Planet of the Arabs. I'll repost the blurb from Dazed and Confused online magazine for the best description:Planet of The Arabs is an incredibly fast would - be action movie trailer for US television and movie history over the last thirty years. A melange of found footage encompassing everything from Sesame Street to Back to The Future the film explores America's vicious media mutilation of the Arab. Out of 1000 films made in the USA between 1896 and 2000 that have had Arab and Muslim characters in them only 12 have contained what could be described as positive cultural depictions.Very interesting. I bitch a lot about the plight of the black man in this country but this film opens my eyes that it sucks for just about everyone
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