I thought I wanted an apple cinnamon muffin, but it turns out I want to eat a baby

Oh Christ. I thought/hoped I was hallucinating the other night when this thing popped on the telly:



Via http://www.videogum.com/


Really? Baby hungry? Baby hungry? Ew. I don't know a single "single girl" that doesn't screech in horror or throw up in her mouth at the mere mention of child bearing/rearing, so I do not know where you are getting your information from, Mr. Dude I've Never Heard of Before, but I suspect that you might be the delusional one here.

Yeah, we're all totally after your super high quality sperm, there. I dream of the day when I might drop a mucus plug and squeeze out a nine pound demon child with my eyes and your hairplugs. Also, I want to be your girlfriend and subsequently marry you, despite the fact that you are basically terrible in every way possible. You know, because you've got a penis and all. Everything else is just gravy.

Oh, and also, I'm Cathy. Ack! And I love shoes! And chocolate! And talking about my weight! And, um, whatever else the womenfolk are into these days! Ack! Marry me!

See, this is the thing- women are just not like this any more- not the vast majority anyway- and at least no one I personally know. To tell me to stop being desperate for a man and baby hungry is in the same league as telling me to stop speaking German and wearing leiderhosen all the time. In fact, as a whole, I think we're way better at being independent than men are. And I think that's a kick in the balls to some dudes who might prefer that we were not.

I don't think that the weirdo who tells me he's not "ready for a relationship" after two dates really thinks that that's what I'm after- I think it's wishful thinking. Not that I'm such great shakes, but I think he would like to assume that pretty much any lady in town would be thrilled to pieces to have him all to herself, or to bear the fruit of his loins or whatever. It's nothing but blowing smoke up your own ass.

It seems as though certain men are trying to create a strawwoman narrative that just isn't there anymore. It's a narrative more flattering to themselves than based in reality. And despite the fact that shows like this, and books/movies like "He's Just Not That Into You" claim to be intended to show women how to not be pathetic, they seem to be more hung up on creating perpetuating the idea that this is what we are in the first place - and that we, of course, need a brilliant, tough lovin' dude to show us the error of our sad little ways.

No excuse for poor taste

Sunday night was the premiere of VH1's "Tool Academy." Now, the gist of this show is that chicks take their douchey boyfriends on it so that they may be boot camped into awesome boyfriends. And it was the most disturbing thing I have ever witnessed.

The thing is, it's not the "tools" that disturbed us. We've been well aware of their existence for some years now. It was the girlfriends that made us cringe. Primarily the fact that they remained in the damn room while they saw video footage of their supposed boyfriends talking about how they have them "well-trained" and the vast number of other ladies they are doing every week. That was the shocking part. They're the ones that need the therapy! People are free to be douchebags, ya know, but you don't have to hang around with them. Ugh, and the women were like, blaming themselves for not being attractive enough. I could just die. That would be the day!

Oh, and some of them were saying "I feel like he doesn't plan on marrying me!" Ew. Um, thank heaven for small favors.

I've been harping on this for two days now. I feel like I was raised with such a strong sense of "sisterhood" or whatever, from my mom, that every time I see a woman act like an idiot, a little part of me dies.