Score one for lips, tits, and hips?

Kind of! According to some random study, men who do not find curvier/hourglass figured women more attractive than straight-up-and-down types, are more likely to father autistic children. This, apparently, is becase women with a waist-to-hip ratio of 70% have optimal estrogen levels and are thus less susceptible to major diseases. I'm not sure how that makes sense though, but I will take compliments where I can get them. However, according to this other study, we're a dying breed. Get it while you can, fellas.

Now, while the first study is definitely suspect, that doesn't mean that I won't secretly be thinking "Good luck with your autistic babies!" should I for some reason get thrown over for a lady who neglected to develop secondary sex characteristics. My inner monologue is a total bitch.

Oh, but for reals, the actual best thing about being super tall and having hips and a huge rack is that I'm pretty much a huge turn-off to closeted pedophiles. This is totally where I win.

He should talk...

Dennis Leary, in an extra classy Vanity Fair article (which also refers to trollops slobbering on his knob):

"Most heterosexual men do not find Renée Zellweger attractive -It’s true. Nice girl, and I have met Renée. She is the kind of girl who bakes really good muffins, you go out to dinner with her, but that’s it."

You know, I am quite sure, Mr. Leary, that even if you weren't married or whatever, that Miss Zellwegger would not deign to make you any goddamned cupcakes. Call me crazy. I'm sure she's crying herself to sleep at night because some gross looking, barely relevent comedian doesn't want to do her. I know it would kill me.

You know, I lost all respect for "men in general's" taste in things when I read two other articles, so I am not all that gaggy over this. Article number one was about how women are more likely to find Miss Zellwegger's Chicago co-star Catherine Zeta-Jones to be super hot than men are. That was pretty surprising. Then there are always the articles in fashion magazines about dudes liking women in clothing made out of the following materials: Lace, cashmere and velvet. I'm down with the cashmere, I can do a little lace here and there- but velvet? Ew. Really? Does anyone wear velvet outside of 8 year olds around Christmas time and sad, renaissance fair-esque goths? These are pretty much the only instances where I find being unduly swathed in velvet to be any kind of appropriate fashion choice, and I use the term appropriate lightly, because those evil renaissance fair goth chicks scare the crap out of me. Not because I am especially judgemental of their lifestyle, or that it's just like, so subversive that I can't handle it- I assure you it is not. I'm freaked out by the renaissance fair, period, ok? It's a thing I have. There are mimes there, and clowns, and people who walk up and sing at you, and people eating turkey legs without proper utensils- so, suffice it to say, I find it rather traumatic. So, like, evil renaissance wear is especially disturbing to me. Where was I? Oh, yeah, dudes have bad taste in things.

But not really. It's just that whenever someone like Dennis Leary speaks on behalf of all men, or when some idiot magazine takes a poll, men come out having really bad taste in things. So do women, so do any people, when taken as a whole, or represented by a douchenozzle. I mean, I've never dated a guy who was like "You know, you should really wear more velvet!" I can't imagine I ever will. That would be totally weird. Also, I'm pretty sure that quite a few heterosexual men find Renee Zellwegger attractive. Probably more than anyone finds Dennis Leary attractive. He has awful skin, greasy hair, and weird beady albino eyes. so I'm not sure what makes him think he's any arbiter of taste in anything. So there.

Southpaws and bohemia.

Did you know that both Obama and McCain are left handed? And that five of the six last presidents were in fact left handed? Are you surprised that this is news?

Fun fact about Robyn!- I once went through a phase where I dated left handed men exclusively. I also ate nothing but jell-o for an entire month when I was 13, and ate only with chopsticks for a whole summer when I was 17. I didn't have much to do in those days besides formulate new and interesting quirks. But, back to the left handed thing- I don't do that anymore. With the passing of a few years, I matured some and discovered much better methods. For instance, if I ever date another drummer, Jen has permission to take a drumstick and shove it in my eye. I am also no longer allowed to date anyone simply because they like zombie movies, or to ever again utter the phrase "Well, sure, he's not exactly dreamy... but he seems really nice! (It's never true. Call me shallow, but this plan has just never worked out for me). I also refrain from men carrying around a copy of "Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance," men who wear sandals, men with unfortunate facial hair statements, republicans, emotional masochists, poor spellers, etc. Oh, and I always plan to keep this in mind:

Bohemia

Authors and actors and artists and such
Never know nothing, and never know much.
Sculptors and singers and those of their kidney
Tell their affairs from Seattle to Sydney.
Playwrights and poets and such horses' necks
Start off from anywhere, end up at sex.
Diarists, critics, and similar roe
Never say nothing, and never say no.
People Who Do Things exceed my endurance;
God, for a man that solicits insurance!

Dorothy Parker

The Pushkin Problem

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/30/books/review/Donadio-t.html?em&ex=1207108800&en=3c42341da951f2dd&ei=5087%0A

Personally, I have to say- I dump/date people for really retarded reasons. No way in hell would I date someone who thought Ayn Rand was awesome, and let me tell you- I find this to be a completely rational decision, because anyone who thinks Ayn Rand is awesome would be completely incompatible with me altogether. Ayn Rand sucks ass. And that Judy Heiblum is right- dudes who carry around copies of "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" are sooooo worth avoiding. Trust me (also, let me tell you- they haven't ever actually read it.).

On the other hand, I think dudes who like Henry Miller and Dostoevsky are ridiculously sexified. But I'll also think they're pretty dreamy if they've heard Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner's "The 2000 Year Old Man" or are way into Marx Brothers or Woody Allen movies. But it's not just about "Oh, you're this way because you like these specific things"- it's also about having a similar frame of reference for conversational purposes. That's really what I think is important.

I'd write more, but my keyboard is being a pain in the ass. Oy.