Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Locker Room Talk- It Might Be a Good Thing

I think the problem with dudes is that they don't know when they're not being original.

You know how a dude will text you at 2 in the morning all the time and then get all huffy and freak out if you dare insinuate that he has no interest in you other than getting into your pants. "See where your evil, whorish ladymind goes?" He'll say, "I wanted to play Parcheesi and talk about current events! Shows what you know! I really like you! As a person! I just thought you might be up at this time because you go out a lot!?"

He totally does believe that you will think this- and in turn think he is a "Nice Guy (TM)"- not some sleaze like those "meatheads" he hates who just want to get some pussy. He also believes that you, and all of your girlfriends, have not been through this exact scenario 17 times in the past year. He doesn't know that you already know how it ends- with him accusing you of trying to secretly plot to be his girlfriend- and he's just enjopying being single right now, and you being annoyed because he's really nowhere near awesome enough for that sort of effort, and wondering what you did to make him think you're retarded (Did I drool?).

To the ladies, I say: Seriously, just date the "meatheads", date the "yuppies"- date the guys the idiot artist/musician guys hate. It's less of a headache, and for the most part they're a better time- plus they always think you're the super coolest person ever and take you on actual dates. Also, they're more likely to pay for your drink, rather than ask you to buy them 85 PBR's every time you go out. Also, it's really fun to watch the idiot artist/musician guys flip the fuck out when you walk into the bar with a reg guy ("HOW CAN HE EVER UNDERSTAND YOU?????")- nevermind the fact that the artist/musician guys always end up with mind-numbingly boring chicks anyway. They can't have anyone around that might deflect attention from themselves.

To the fellas- for god's sake- will you PLEASE compare notes? For real. It's getting ridiculous. I go through, and hear the same 5 or so scenarios over and over again and it's just not even interesting anymore. You need a new MO. What if you just like, owned the booty call? Think of how much easier things would be then? You could do it in a way where you're professing to be a libertine or something like that- like Lord Byron. You could say you're an existentialist. You could totally do it in a way where you wouldn't have to lose any of your deepness cred, but at the same time be way less annoying. And a little bit more original.


Anonymous said...

Any guy that calls me to "hang" at 2 AM does not get placed in the "dating/potential bf" box in my head. No matter how hard he courts afterwards. Because his courting afterwards will only be a direct result of me not calling him or giving two shits afterwards, thus his ego is injured and he begins to court. Only to pull the "I'm not ready for a gf, sheesh" crap once you do start to move him to the "maybe bf material" box.

That's why I've always had my "Fuckbuddy box" for people who I do NOT hang out with outside of the bedroom, my "dating/potential bf" box for guys who court me the right way (no 2 AM booty calls, friend, that's what my FBs are for, duh), and my "friends box" for friends who I hang with but do NOT sleep with, no matter how horny or drunk or whatever. I do not cross-contaminate my boxes.

la sooz said...

"nevermind the fact that the artist/musician guys always end up with mind-numbingly boring chicks anyway"

God so true. PREACH!!!! I love the idea of dating the meathead. Why didnt I think of that before??? It's brilliant.

Britni TheVadgeWig said...

My new URL is http://britisstillshameless.blogspot.com/

Plz to update sidebars and such!