So, Elizabeth Edwards was on Oprah yesterday talking about John Edwards infidelity- I didn't see it, because I don't watch Oprah- but I saw this clip on Jez, wherein she basically puts all the blame on the woman he cheated on her with.
Isn't that always the way? Now, I can understand that she's pissed- but I'm so not down with this whole idea that women are supposed to be the sacred guardians of men's moral compasses or any shit like that. This totally reminds me of how I used to get in trouble in class for things the boys got away with. Double standards= ick. I'm sorry, but it's up to the person who made the commitment to uphold it, not someone who doesn't know your ass. Really, when the situation is turned around, it's not like people get all "Oh my god, how could he do that to another man! He's so evil! Evil evil evil! He's just scum!" about things- no, they're just like "Yeah, he was a dude. He wanted to get some. Big shocker." And even if he is blamed a little, he's hardly going to be villified to the degree a woman is. It's just not the same level of "evil." Evil in men is violence. In woman it's sexuality.
I think there are a couple reasons for this- things that go back to the Bible and Greek myths and all that other shit. I don't especially feel like going into them at this time- but there are a shit ton of stories involving vaginas being the fall of empires and such.
This is all kind of a sore-ish subject for me, to be honest. I'm pretty much on the verge of becoming a political lesbian- mostly because this whole "Oh, you're evil!"/ "Oh, I feel like such a bad person for liking you!" followed by the inevitable "Wow, hanging out with you has totally helped me find myself, and realize that what I really do want in life is the whole Horatio Alger/Norman Rockwell dream" thing is really starting to piss me the fuck off. Like, it's just not cute anymore. It's the same thing, over and over and over again. Blechh. I'm so not evil. I'm probably more fiercely devoted to my own moral code than anyone you could meet, so there.
I've also always attracted quite a bit of attention from men who are not exactly single. I have no interest in this, not because of any moral compunctions so much as they tend to be really annoying as people. Like, seriously, they tend to be looking for free therapy more often than not. Plus, I have no interest in the tales of your very delicate girlfriend whom you aren't exactly in love with but cannot bear to break the heart of by breaking up with her. Because she'd die without you. Ew. They just tend to think they're way more awesome than I think they are, and I find that irritating.
Funny story though, I'm far less suited for that sort of thing than one would think- mostly because I've got a mouth, balls of steel, and have a tendency towards vendettas. This one time, I'd been seeing this dude- did not know he had a girlfriend, but he did. Of two years. I thought I was probably too good for him to begin with, and I pretty much avoided him after that because he just wasn't worth the drama. Besides, I hate dishonesty. Still, dude wouldn't leave me alone- because he thought we were soulmates, and it was driving me up the damned wall.
SO... one day I see him out at this bar with his now fiancee (yeah, because by then they were totally engaged. Ha!), and I acted all super friendly and pretended I didn't know that they were together, and so I whipped out my cell phone and did this whole "Oh my gosh, you would not believe the messages this guy sends me! Hilarious! But seriously, I'm worried for my pet rabbit!" schtick right in front of him. And I promise you, the messages were rather special. I am hilarious. What else would I do? Protect him? Leave the bar? Go into a corner and feel awkward? Please. I have one rule- if someone in a room has to feel like shit, I'm going to make damn sure it isn't me.
Ok, I'm done kvetching. I leave you with my favorite song about affairs and whatnot:
Seriously, favorite thing ever.
4 comments:
When I was being cheated on, I hated her for a long time. I blamed her for a really long time and it wasn't until I was able to step back and look at the whole picture that I realized that it was HIS fault, not hers. She was being just as duped and manipulated as I was.
It wasn't her responsibility to keep him loyal and faithful to me. That was all on him.
Like my bff Jeff says. If you're a dude with a gf, I don't care if the hottest chic in the world shows up pounding on your door in a whipped cream bikini. He does NOT have to let her him.
And if he does, that's on him. She's not the cheater, he is.
Exactly. I don't really feel like "the other woman" comes into the equation so much at all. What? Like if he tried to cheat on you and no one would oblige he's a better person than if someone did?
I don't know, infidelity isn't exactly up there on my list of atrocities that could be committed against me- unless I felt it went hand in hand with patronizing me in some way. My reaction would probably be "How DARE you think you're so great that you think I want to belong to your club when you don't want me as a member!" Then I would start going off on some tangent about "being-in-itself." That's just me though
Yeah, I've been cheated on...and cheated on...and cheated on... that's why I'm divorced! This is just an uninformed snap judgement but maybe Elizabeth Edwards should have kept working thru her shit in therapy until she decided to let it ride or decided to leave him, rather than speak on Oprah.
And I never blamed the women my ex slept with, just as I don't blame the hookers that he paid! I ain't even kiddin'!!
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