Myspace Survey Question Turns Into Essay...

DO YOU TAKE COMPLIMENTS WELL?

No. No I don't. Because, quite frankly, I think most people are completely full of shit. I also see ulterior motives in just about everything.

Like for instance, this one time I'm at this bar, right? And I'm talking to this guy and he gets all "Oooh... you have really perfect skin, are you wearing face make-up or anything or is it just like that naturally? Can I touch your face?" So, you know, I just got the fuck up out of there. Sure, some people would see it as a harmless compliment, just a guy being nice. But I know the truth. He wanted to cut my skin off and wear it around the house. However, he would have been in for quite the disappointment, as I am not in fact a size 12.

At the same time, I have always been wary of any guy who compliments my shoes just a little too much. Because, if he's not gay, he's probably a foot fetishist. And yeah- I read Dan Savage. I know all about that "Dump an honest foot fetishist and marry a dishonest necrophilliac stuff"- but I would really like to have my cake and eat it too on this one. I don't want anyone touching my damned feet. I just don't. And besides, it's not like I'm dumping any foot fetishists- I'm stopping it before it happens. You know what they say- an ounce of prevention...

Now, some dudes just go overboard with the compliments altogether. You know the ones- you've known them for all of five minutes and all of a sudden they start telling you you're the sunshine of their life and also the greatest thing since sliced bread?

That is just so damned offensive. I honestly feel really shocked when anyone honestly thinks I am dumb enough to eat up that amount of bullshit. Now- sure, I'm awesome- it's pretty much a fact. But you have to know me for a reasonable amount of time before you understand that. I'm definitely an acquired taste, in the "George Costanza 'Byyyy... Mennen!'" way. And I'm ok with that. Also, the guy that does this is also the "relationship feigner"- another thing I am deeply offended by. See, because these dudes have the aforementioned (in the previous blog) delusion that every woman secretly wants to marry them. I mean, it's this whole "bwah hah hah! I will pretend I am interested in something more than just getting in your pants in order to get into your pants" thing. And uh, I don't need that shit. Because I don't want to be in a relationship with them. Duh. Because you're full of shit, and I know it, and you know it, but you're not swift enough to know that I know it. Which makes you stupid. And I hate stupid.

Speaking of hating stupid- ok, for some reason a lot of fella's seem to think this is an awesome line/compliment: "Wow, you're like, so much smarter than I am." And you know- while that shit may work on you all... because I know some of you still think dumb is cute... I think it's pretty icky and generally disconcerting. I like people to have more pride than that. I really think that anyone who is intimidated by me must be just the putz of the century. I also think that if I am the smartest person in any given room that we have a very dire situation on our hands and one that ought to be corrected immediately and without further ado.

So no, I do not take compliments well